Toad’s Blog

Don’t know why but I was thinking of this show tonight.  I remember it as one of my favorite childhood shows - it was apparently only on for one season in 1986 (I would have been 10) and after a little research, the main character (David Rappaport, who played Simon) shot himself in the chest in 1990, which is really sad (apparently he struggled with depression).  I was actually really sad to learn of this, or even for whatever reason I thought of it, since I don’t remember even thinking of this show except maybe a half dozen times since I was a kid, and not a single time since I’ve been active on the Internet.

Thinking about it now, there was a connection I made between the theme song (which you can still find on youtube) and the premise (genius creator who treats toys like inventions, etc) and myself somehow.  I was obsessed with tearing things appart and creating things, and of course ninteno stole my mind away for quite a few years… but somehow by remembering this tongiht, it helps me make sense of things a little better.

It’s hard for me to believe I’m the only wizard fan out there… it seems like it was a quirky show with only one season, can’t seem to find easily why it was canceled, but it just happened to be on during an important time in my life - and has somehow helped shape who I am.

Good morning!  It has been a bit of a long night… no, let me ’splain first: We chose to do a “park-sleep-fly” hotel for the night before our vacation begins.  This way, we’re not in a rush to beat traffic, and since we got such a great deal flying out of Newark, we’d be fresh and ready in the morning for our flight.  The hotel we stayed at was the Best Western - and it’s sort of crammed back here like the pimple between the buttcheeks of the newark airport and NYC!  I must admit, we were a little nervous when we were steering to avoid potholes on the “International Drive” on the way to the hotel, but when we finally got checked in and set up, we realized this is actually a nice little place!  Before we hit the hay, we gave the girls some little “sleeping beauty” dolls we grabbed on sale a the disney store - Harm wasn’t sure how to take it - and I realized that she’s at a particular age where surprises are a little weird - so we’ll see how fun the next few days will be!We slept as good a young family of four with two Disney-bound kids could, and we’re up and ready to hit the skies!  Our flight leaves at 11:35, so we’ll be shuttlin’ to the airport soon, but I wanted to make sure I got started with the vacation documentation.  Till then, i’ll keep you posted.Toad 

Today was one of those days that was so clear and distinct, it makes you want to write it down before you forget exactly how this feels.
I realized anew that busying myself with things is one of my ways of “coping”, much in the same way that a chemical dependant would.  The simple act of always having something to do is a “drug” to me, it supresses the need to deal with issues as they arise, I can disappear into work or games or music or whatever I choose.   I learned this thoughout my parent’s divorce - my powerlessness to change the situation made me hunger for things I could control - and my “hobbies” were an acceptable medium.  I have over the past years used those skills as a personality crutch - wanting to take those “things” that I do and let them define me.  I realize this is the guy thing to do - the first thing we ask other guys after meeting them is what they do…  What I have realized, and am continuing to learn, is that who I am is not a result of what I do.

The more time I spend honing those skills and learning new ones, the more I learn how little I actually know.  This cliche is brought to new life with this personality “ding”: the more I become an expert in something, the more I’m realizing that it is not something that defines me.

I realize this would present a very poor resume.  It dosent help that I have to relearn these thoughts every few months, but it is a valid point nonetheless.

I am my own worst enemy when it comes to organization - if I am not constantly focussing on pressing forward with organization, i will slide back.  All the dreams and visions I’ve had are possible if i can learn to skillfully weild the tools He’s given me to accomplish his purpose, while at the same time utterly depend on Him for the energy, drive and time to do it.